I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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