Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
