this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
