he wants to bone in the snuggie
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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