I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
