my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
