Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
