This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
