I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
