The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
this is an emotional support booty call
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
