Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
