That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
