If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
