Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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