Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
