also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize