Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
