wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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