If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
is it fun? or sober?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
