Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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