highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
