When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
