I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
