a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
