Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
