bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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