they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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