If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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