So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
