loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize