idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize