I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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