So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
