He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
