we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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