It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
PANTIES FOUND
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