Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
