Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
