just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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