I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
