I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
