I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize