Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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