doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
