and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
