hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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