ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize