you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
