thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
