HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
