GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
