you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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