we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
