The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
