it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
