I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
