I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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