So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
