I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
