and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
