I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
