im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
